Bob Holt - Rants

Brightening Our Spirits
10/30/2005

Here in South Jersey, the signs of fall are all around us now since daytime temperatures have finally started to dip into the low 90s. Often people let the change in seasons dampen their spirits. But when the weather gets colder and the yuletide decorations start springing up, it can only mean one thing: it's almost Halloween. And I've discovered that many people have ghosts and spirits in their very own home which need busting, dampening, and outright removing.

One thing these homeowners can do is to contact the Turnersville-based non-profit group known as South Jersey Ghost Research for all of their spirit removal needs. This group is celebrating its fiftieth anniversary this year, dating back to 1955 as Ghost Hunters of America in Burlington County.

According to www.sjgr.com their mission is but a simple one: to research a situation, and provide people with information and understanding to create a livable resolution for the person and the spirit. So today even ghosts are in counseling for their issues.

But the researchers take their work seriously. They receive two to three calls a day and provide free investigations. Many such mysteries of the supernatural are taking place in the South Jersey area.

South Jersey Ghost Research has needed to visit the Masonic Lodge in Woodbury three times. Lodge members have reported seeing ghosts in the building, hearing banging noises, smelling smoke, and seeing the lights go on and off by themselves. Now I realize that back in the day a lot of lodges often saw the spirit of mean old Jack Daniels running around.

The researchers have extensively studied the electronic voice recordings of the case. South Jersey Ghost Research investigates these buildings with the finest in modern research equipment, and finally reassures their clients.

Later I read the rather unsettling news that South Jersey Ghost Research had worked on a case in my hometown of Mantua. The residents in this private home reportedly heard their names being called, saw ghosts and shadows, and heard footsteps. They also claimed to have felt touches and had their hair played with. At least today's new breed of metroghost appears to be a friendly spirit.

But the researchers reported two temperature changes during their visit. Temperature changes occur when spirits use the heat energy in the air to survive and cause cold spots. Such evil, demonic spirits obviously have no concerns over the costs of heating oil.

I must admit that I'm somewhat intrigued by things of the supernatural. I once tried to send a psychic message to Jennifer Love Hewitt of The Ghost Whisperer. Later that night I got a vision of a restraining order.

But I'll bet aside from ghosts you probably always thought the scariest thing in your home was your wife or husband when they first got out of bed in the morning. As Halloween inches even closer, we might consider the existence of another demonic spirit, the vampire.

That's because www.vampire-church.com gives us the comforting information that real vampires do indeed exist. But contrary to the normally reliable reports found in sci-fi television and comic books, they cannot be stopped by garlic or wooden stakes.

At least today's modern day vampire has learned to mind his manners. They do receive their strength from the blood of others, but they never drink their blood without their donor's consent, or the expressed written consent of major league baseball.

The Vampire Church site contains a chat room, The Black Veil, a code of ethics, and vampirism help. You see, a vampire's life is a solitary existence. It's really hard to maintain a healthy relationship when you outlive your mate by a few centuries. So the Church welcomes personal ads. One of them reads like this:

Hi, I am known to this accursed dominion as Alan the Vampire. I wander the streets day and night in search of scrumptious plasma from the wrists of the willing. My hobbies include drawing mustaches and crazy eyes on people's photos. If you are interested in meeting me, please send a self-addressed onion to me.

Another such Type-O-Negative type guy writes this:

I am a vampire looking for a mortal girl or woman to share life with. I would like someone who is interested in my kind and would like to experience life with an immortal. I am a hopeless romantic and a gentleman and I would like to lavish love and attention on an intelligent, creative weirdo of a girl.

Well, hopefully there is someone out there for everybody. I have my doubts about the existence of vampires, but I'll bet it looks good on a job resume.

And not everyone is afraid of ghosts, goblins, spirits, or even Paris Hilton. But if you feel that your home may have been invaded by vampires or spirits this Halloween, you just might want to call South Jersey Ghost Research. Or else cut down on the Jack Daniels.