Advancing the Geezability Factor

The cold snap of winter has made me come to terms with another harsh reality often faced by those of us on the wrong end of the aging process. I have become the nasty old neighbor who yells, “Hey you kids! Get out of my yard!”

Those aforementioned advancing years, along with an ego still in its prime give me sufficient reason to belong to a gym. If you lift a few weights on occasion you will be able to stay ahead of your body parts which threaten to need lifting.

A lot of young people belong to these health clubs, apparently meaning to keep all of that youth to themselves. Quite cruel. But I’ve seen more than a few young members leaving the gym in workout outfits, many wearing shorts. It’s been about twenty-five or thirty degrees outside on warm days recently.

One day I found myself using a machine near the exit and saw two girls looking about high school age leaving the building in what I would call short shorts.

Now, I am a blatantly straight middle-aged male who still appreciates the presence of members of the female population. Instead of thinking lecherous thoughts, I considered, “These kids are going to catch a terrible cold. Do all young people think they are invincible or something?”

I never felt invincible, and I have never approached it in my best years. But was it right for me to think that way? When you reach a certain age, isn’t a rare, lecherous thought helpful in maintaining your overblown self-image as a virile, studly young male?

I respect women and children and would never approach them in an improper manner. But isn’t this how it starts? Is it necessary that I turn into my grandfather? I mean, this apparently completes the final phase of my transition into geezerdom.

I’ve never felt like an old person. My hairstyle reminds people that I still think it’s 1969. There’s a fine line between delusion and geezerdom. But once that aging thing kicks in, you have to think of every possible way to counteract it.

As far as the hair, I make maximum use of the portable hair dryer. This is done to avoid the potential of catching that terrible cold we spoke of earlier. The younger people won’t get a cold because they’re invincible, but those of us among the ancients stand every chance of catching one.

And I’m never been a big fan of shorts anyway, because my legs have always been relatively birdlike, even in my younger years during the original Depression. Hey, I used to wear sweat pants during the summer. Fashion emergencies can transcend all generations.

But it’s not fun transforming into that nosy neighbor who watches the children play while peering through the blinds. I’m trying to adapt. I swear. I’m not ready to reach the peak of my geezability potential.

I won’t pretend to be invincible, I promise. I just want to be allowed to play with the kids every so often. And they can even play in my yard once in a while.

Sometimes. I’ll be watching through the blinds.