Going Out of Business Holiday Sale! Now!

It’s over. At least it’s finally over. A lot of people are saying that about the Christmas shopping season and the stress that goes with it right now. But do they mean it?

I mean, was it all worth it?

I realize that the main focus on Christmas originally was a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. But disregarding the fact that a church of any denomination would likely collapse if I entered it, Christmas shopping quickly became the cornerstone of our holiday season, brought to you this year in part by Boscovs.

Many people begin their Christmas shopping in mid-summer, about the time the first Christmas ornaments begin to spring up at the mall. These people are not bothered by the holiday rush. They are organized and intelligent. And thoroughly hateful. But that isn’t their fault.

Most of us(or me, for instance) will start our shopping after Thanksgiving. And so it begins. Into the valley of death went the six hundred, you think, as you begin the trek to Deptford Mall. While attempting to negotiate traffic on your first trip you manage to listen to three-quarters of the songs on the 10,000 song holding iPod you received as a gift last Christmas.

When you arrive, the closest parking spot available in Deptford Mall can be found in Bellmawr. But you don’t let that bother you. Your only Christmas wish is to return home safely and see your loved ones one more time. Some people enter the Food Court and are never seen again.

Those who are seen again are seen with a carload of presents which appear to be sufficient for the 82nd Battalion. But they are for your five-year old son Billy. You will return tomorrow to continue shopping maneuvers for the rest of your family.

But it’s still worth it, isn’t it?

You think back to the good old days. There were no zhu zhu pets, simply Zsa Zsa Gabor. Back when you were a kid, you would receive greeting cards for Christmas or your birthday, and those cards were often filled with money. You think this is a Christmas tradition which really needs to be revived today. Then you realize that most of your friends have even less money than you, thanks to our wonderful economy. But even nickels and dimes will add up.

After the shopping is over, hopefully you’ve found time to catch up with long lost or forgotten friends. Many times you will quickly remember why they had been lost and forgotten for so long, but that doesn’t matter right now. It’s the holidays.

A case can be made that the Christmas season is a year-long experience. You see the first ornaments by mid-July as we’ve mentioned, but after you’ve finally finished your Christmas purchases, your favorite credit cards are melting and screaming in pain until next August at the earliest.

After Christmas is over you think the shopping is finished. Guess again, Larry. That was only the beginning. “Try our leftovers! Everything must go, and it’s priced to move!”

Your job now is to prepare for next year’s shopping season by taking advantage of your favorite store’s sales which offer fifty percent or so discounts on all of the Christmas cards, ornaments, and decorations you’ve just spent the past month seeing. Come next September you’ll either forget you have these items or look at them and say they are cheap and outdated. You need to update because the holidays are coming.

But you’ll do it all over again, won’t you? It was all worth it, wasn’t it?

For the kids mostly, yeah. But the fact that I enjoy being a kid for the whole month of December is my own damn business.

Only 364 shopping days until Christmas. Better hurry.